No Turning Back Now

Well, now I’ve gone and done it.  I’ve sold all my stuff:  furniture, car, etc.  I’ve moved out of my apartment and the remainder of my belongings has taken over Mario’s living room and part of the dining room.  Not to mention a good chunk of his room.  I fear that soon the clothes will over take the kitchen, as well.  Then there will be no hope for anyone…

Anyways…flights are booked.  I ended up lucking out by waiting so long to acquire the funds for tickets.  Prices dropped $200 so I paid less for the flights to Tokyo and Chicago combined than I would have for one ticket to Tokyo had I booked earlier.  My car sold for considerably less than I had anticipated (damn you bad economy worsened by media scare!) so these were VERY welcome prices.  I am heading to Chicago the afternoon of the 17th just in time for St. Patty’s Day woot!  I’ll stay with my brother for a few days and then Monday it’s off to Tokyo!

Did I mention I really don’t like flying?  That I am terrified to spend 13 hours on this?!?

Boeing 747

Shouldn’t it have to have at least 2 more engines to get that thing off the ground?  I shouldn’t be so nervous since I’ve done this exact flight before but I feel sick just thinking about it.

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So I began writing this post probably over a week ago.  Since then I have experienced one of the most stressful, sleepless, and heartbreaking weeks of my life.  I feel like this is only the beginning and over the next few weeks these feelings of sadness and loneliness will become only more acute.  My mind is full of doubts and constantly going a million miles a second so that I can’t think of anything that I need to be doing at present.  I can barely sleep and am experiencing high school reminiscent breakouts.  Am I making the right decision by leaving?  Will I find what I am looking for in Japan?  Will I lose what I have gained here at home?  These are just a few of the questions constantly plaguing my mind.  They are a little cliche but how can I not be worried about all that?  Anyways, the fact of the matter is that I am going.  I can always come back.  I can only hope that the people I am leaving will be waiting with open arms and I know that those who matter will be.  However, this notion does not make me feel better in the slightest.

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